homage sentence

Giving up what you want most in this entire world for the person you care most about is either honorable or cowardly. I wasn’t giving up smoking or drinking, because I did neither and had little desire to even if the option was available. I gave up him.

I surrendered him to the wind, and I had clung so tightly for so long. I watched my bird fly away and I hoped he would fly back again someday. I knew the ultimate act of love is to release it. I released my love into the wind and the sky and watched him swoop and dive from the ground.

The instant he darted from my grasp, he tugged my heart out from beneath my skin and marrow. I gasped sharply as the pain spread outward from my chest, my flesh was cool and then snarling beneath my worried palms as it spread down my arms to my fingers. I inhaled, instant pain blossomed in me. I exhaled to ease the pressure as it rose in my eardrums and thickened my throat.

The sunlight was so pure against the feathers that I forgot the pain because my bird was so bright and I could see the beauty that the others saw in him. I was never meant to be the only one to love him, I was always going to love him. Love is watching the color spread in the sky, and realizing that the color could never be appreciated until it was painted across the horizon. My world is vivid, lurid and diseased with this new color. I am getting worse because others are getting better. I will wait for my bird to swoop past, because even a glimpse of the color is preferable to being blind.